Life on the Farm: February 2016

Sunday, February 28, 2016

On the Rollercoaster

You know that whole opposites attract thing?

We are living proof.

He's calm, I shriek

I'm on time (usually), he prefers 5 minutes late (or more)

He likes animals, I detest them.

I'm a planner (kind of), other than farming he doesn't plan.

I would far rather have way more than I need, he prefers to run out rather than have extra.

These are just a few of the ways we are refining each other.

We'll either end up in matching straight-jackets (or behind bars)

or become lovely people.

Then there's the whole adoption waiting issue and that throws everything out of whack!

Tonight Mr. Calm-and-Reasonable-Just-Put-It-Out-Of-Your Mind asked,

"Do you think tonight's our night?"

(that's my line!)

"It might be, because all of a sudden I was attacked with panic and thought of the million and one things I need to do or should do before we leave the country. (And failed completely to mention that I could have been doing these things during the eternity we've been waiting!),"

responded the spouse whose motto is If In Trouble Or In Doubt, Run In Circles, Scream and Shout.

(It's Sunday and in the panic mode I had started the washer and dishwasher, cleaned up the disaster I call my kitchen, made a list of the 1,000,001 things to do, was heading out to fold a basket of clothes, and thought about {really briefly!} sweeping the kitchen floor.)

"Me, too,"

said Mr. It-Will-Happen-When-It-Happens

"That's why I didn't work here on Saturday."

And so the rollercoaster starts down the hill again.

I realized the stress is getting to Mr. Patience when I called him one morning and he answered with, "Did we get it?" After my negative response he added, "This would be so much easier if you could just put it out of your head and forget planning about it until it happens." Turns out that "you" was a reference to himself. I only realized that when he repeated it a couple of days later. It's getting to us. Both of us. Which is kind of nice because I hate to think of going completely crazy alone.

I haven't blown up with our agency - except when the executive director told me last week on the phone that it "will happen eventually and in the meantime you should just try to forget about it." That made me pretty mad. We've busted our butts for the last year trying to get everything done promptly and paid for overnight postage to keep things moving as quickly as possible and NOW, right before we leave for China, we're supposed to just forget about it until we get THE CALL. Come here and say that to my face, lady!

And I want to remember this:

I had a dream the other night of Alex. I pretty much only remember a dream once a year or so and then it's usually a nightmare. In the dream Alex was about 14 with the name Queue Home (Go figure! I never realized that my subconscious was into symbolism.) and he was SO NICE and KIND and everything we would pray for. I went to introduce him to someone and blanked on his name. Completely. Then I remembered Queue and he smiled gently and filled in, "Home" and my heart broke. How could I forget? What I remember best was that gentle smile.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Still Here and Random Thoughts About It

We got this message from our adoption agency today. Our wait for TA (which is averaging 3 - 10 days) is now at 49 days.

"Our Beijing office personally visited CCCWA today China time and pushed further on the delay. Our people were told that the delay remains the fallout of the computer glitch that I discussed with you in January, when the accounting department was having some problem accessing their computer records to confirm your dossier and translation fees were paid, a confirmation the matching department requires in order to issue the TI for any family. Of course, we were told at an earlier point that this glitch had been fixed and obviously has been since families with A5 approvals issued in February are getting their TIs. Our staff was told the financial section was “too busy”, which I take to mean to get to the backlogged families right now, and that we were to wait while they caught up. It’s illogical why the financial department would not deal with backlogged families before more recent ones, but we as adoption professionals learned that logic rarely applies in international adoption. "

SO WHY WAIT?

Because some things are worth waiting for.

It may not be the desire or the dream that God has given to you, and you may not understand it from an earthly perspective, but we believe that it is God's plan for us and His plan B for Alex. Thank you to those who have prayed for us and encouraged us. Please keep praying for Alex. This is from Love Without Boundaries and addresses the possibilities of why he may or may not know that we are coming:

A few years ago we had a beautiful little girl in one of our programs who wanted a family very much. She was chosen off of an agency list, and I was actually the one who told her in person that she would be getting her own mom “very soon.” She was overjoyed, and I know she started counting the days until she would have a family of her own. Unfortunately her family-to-be didn’t seem to have the same burning desire to get the adoption completed. Months went by without home study visits being done; each time the agency would call to ask if they were still continuing, then the family would do one more minimum piece. Six months turned into a year, and then two, and the little girl was still no closer to having this family actually come get her. The older children in the orphanage, who were no longer eligible for adoption, began taunting the little girl to release some of the anger they had in their own hearts over never being chosen. They began telling her daily that of course no family was coming, as who would want HER. Despite the nannies’ best assurances, of course the little girl slipped into a deep sadness. After the family finally backed out, I discussed what had happened with the orphanage director, who told me he would never again tell a child a family was coming “until we are walking into the doors of the government office to meet them.”

Of course that was an extreme response, but adoptive parents in the West need to understand that orphanage directors and nannies regularly see families who stop adoptions. Whether it is from divorce, or money issues, the loss of a job, or a death in the family, sometimes adoptions fall through. Many orphanage officials feel in their minds that they are protecting a child from future heartache by withholding information about a family until that family actually arrives in China. They also might feel like they are protecting the child from hearing taunts or even threats from other children in the orphanage who are dealing with their own feelings of not being chosen.

On the other hand, Alex may have been told and given our album back when we received LOA back in October. And now it's February. That's a long time for a 7-year-old to face an unknown future. Please keep his little heart in your prayers.

God is building patience (although it feels like we are just working toward official straight-jacket status).

Again, someone else's words are better than mine, so from Sandra Zimmerman at Tales From Our House:

After I wrote yesterdays post I was listening to a radio program and what I heard felt like God was prodding me, giving me a reminder. In my own words this is what I heard, "Patience, we ask God for it, desire for Him to pour it upon us, to give it to us a gift of sorts, if you will. But God usually doesn't answer our prayer by filling us with patience. He often leads us through hard times and let's us earn patience because like most things, we will value it much more if we have to earn it." The speaker then gave the illustration of someone learning to water ski, again my own words, "You are in your living room with your new ski's and an instruction manual. Even though you follow the instructions, you will have a difficult time learning to ski because you are missing the key ingredient, water. Learning patience is similar. We have an instruction book and we know what we wish to attain, but without trial's, we will have a difficult time learning patience."

I'm sorry, Lord, but I HATE PATIENCE.