Sunday, February 28, 2016

On the Rollercoaster

You know that whole opposites attract thing?

We are living proof.  

 He's calm, I shriek
I'm on time (usually), he prefers 5 minutes late (or more)
He likes animals, I detest them.
I'm a planner (kind of), other than farming he doesn't plan.
I would far rather have way more than I need, he prefers to run out rather than have extra.

These are just a few of the ways we are refining each other.
We'll either end up in matching straight-jackets (or behind bars)
or become lovely people.

Then there's the whole adoption waiting issue and that throws everything out of whack!

Tonight Mr. Calm-and-Reasonable-Just-Put-It-Out-Of-Your Mind asked,

"Do you think tonight's our night?"
(that's my line!)

"It might be, because all of a sudden I was attacked with panic and thought of the million and one things I need to do or should do before we leave the country. (And failed completely to mention that I could have been doing these things during the eternity we've been waiting!),"
responded the spouse whose motto is If In Trouble Or In Doubt, Run In Circles, Scream and Shout.
(It's Sunday and in the panic mode I had started the washer and dishwasher, cleaned up the disaster I call my kitchen, made a list of the 1,000,001 things to do, was heading out to fold a basket of clothes, and thought about {really briefly!} sweeping the kitchen floor.)

"Me, too," 
said Mr. It-Will-Happen-When-It-Happens
"That's why I didn't work here on Saturday."

And so the rollercoaster starts down the hill again.  

I realized the stress is getting to Mr. Patience when I called him one morning and he answered with, "Did we get it?"  After my negative response he added, "This would be so much easier if you could just put it out of your head and forget planning about it until it happens."  Turns out that "you" was a reference to himself.  I only realized that when he repeated it a couple of days later.  It's getting to us.  Both of us.  Which is kind of nice because I hate to think of going completely crazy alone. 

I haven't blown up with our agency - except when the executive director told me last week on the phone that it "will happen eventually and in the meantime you should just try to forget about it."  That made me pretty mad.  We've busted our butts for the last year trying to get everything done promptly and paid for overnight postage to keep things moving as quickly as possible and NOW, right before we leave for China, we're supposed to just forget about it until we get THE CALL.  Come here and say that to my face, lady! 

And I want to remember this:

 I had a dream the other night of Alex. I pretty much only remember a dream once a year or so and then it's usually a nightmare.  In the dream Alex was about 14 with the name Queue Home (Go figure!  I never realized that my subconscious was into symbolism.) and he was SO NICE and KIND and everything we would pray for.  I went to introduce him to someone and blanked on his name.  Completely. Then I remembered Queue and he smiled gently and filled in, "Home" and my heart broke.  How could I forget?  What I remember best was that gentle smile.  

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