Last week was a rough week. In and out of the hospital/ER/clinic, emptying barf buckets, making sure that someone was available to position the bucket, trying to keep caught up with school, trying to make sure that what was going in was greater than what was coming back up, etc.
I was also mad. Mad at the situation that is our new reality. I thought a lot of things that I'm not proud of. I'm pretty ashamed of how immature I can be.
I'm so thankful for Kris Graber. Kris let me be real. Yes, lots of friends would have, but most don't understand our current journey. Kris didn't move aside while waiting for lightning to strike me dead as I gave voice to some pretty awful things, SHE CHUCKLED! She knew where I was coming from...or maybe not, but she acted like she did. Kris is a rock....or at least I just always see her smiling, giving voice to the blessing that Sage is in their lives, advocating for adoption; I never realized that she's had dark days, times of doubt, times of questioning.
While it may be normal to occasionally rage and wonder what the heck God is thinking!!!..I guess it probably is...I DON'T WANT TO BE NORMAL! I wish I was a lot more mature.
(During one of the approximate 502 times she watched the Wiggles last week)
One big struggle is finding balance. If your two-year-old is puking their guts out for days on end and all you can do for them is offer popsicles and water, hold a bucket as needed, and let them watch Wiggles videos 24/7 is it okay? What happens when the child is well again and still thinks that popsicles and the Wiggles should be available on demand?
Emily's been pretty sweet and well-behaved. HAS BEEN sweet. I think she turned (developmentally) two this past week. Lots and lots of temper tantrums. Sweetness and light come to a screeching (yep, literally) halt when she isn't allowed to watch the Wiggles 502 times a day, or she has to pick up the apple slices she spilled, or (worst of the worst!) she isn't allowed in mom and dad's bed at 3:30 a.m. (Kenton figured out that earplugs work wonders. I was thinking more of a muzzle.) She just spent nine days puking her guts out. It's hard to say NO and deny her things she wants.
It's also hard with the other kids. Do you reward sacrifice? Never, sometimes, or always? When they cry and say it's hard, what do you say? Suck it up, I understand, it will get easier over time, God is going to use this? Ugh!
We had a pretty big scare today. Emily was sent home with a prescription for 12 ml of an anti-nausea drug. In passing I asked if it was available in another form since it was a lot to get down a puking toddler. The doctor mentioned that the dose didn't sound quite right but I didn't catch the correction in all the chaos. As I was leaving the pharmacy today, I happened to glance at the bottle and thought to double check the dosage. She takes 12 ml of bicitra so the quantity isn't unheard of.
Someone missed a decimal point.
It was 200% of what an adult should take.
It could have been deadly.
So in the wee hours, when the Chinese empress wakes up and shrieks to fill our double bed to overflowing, I probably won't envision muzzles and gags, but thank God for continuing to give Emily hope and a future.